


forgiveness, but not quite

by smile_for_me



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Family Feels, Found Family, Gen, Mostly love, Some angst, Some background relationships, Taako Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-24 22:48:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17109626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smile_for_me/pseuds/smile_for_me
Summary: There’s something in her voice when she says it—maybe disappointment, but Taako can’t quite place it. She feels bad, probably. Thinking about their old crewmate alone in her office on Candlenights Eve—well, not alone. He overheard Magnus telling Lup about the dog he gave her a few weeks ago, how it would be good for her to have one she wasn’t alone so often. But mostly alone. Not a part of the family they’d built.Except, that wasn’t really it, was it? Magnus brought her a puppy, he had seen Avi take a present from Lup and Barry back with him, probably for her. He’d gone shopping with Merle a few weeks ago and noticed him buying the stuff to make the tea she’d always liked back on the Starblaster. Hell, Avi, Carey, and Killian still worked for/with her. He knows he’s the problem, the one unwilling to mend the broken link between them. He knows. But he’s not willing to deal with that yet.





	forgiveness, but not quite

**Author's Note:**

> this was written for the 2018 taz candlenights exchange for theladysilvre on tumblr
> 
> It's not exactly what you asked for, I don't think, and not exactly what I planned on writing. my original idea was a lot more about taako figuring out how to have a family again, but it turned into this, which is a lot more about taako figuring out how to reconcile with Lucretia. Despite it not being exactly what you asked for, I hope you still enjoy it.

Lup and Barry have a place that’s theirs and that’s mostly furnished and fits all of them by the time Candlenights comes around, so that’s where they are. It’s not finished yet, but the kitchen has enough room for him and Lup, the living room has couches and a fireplace and a Candlenights Bush, and the dining room has a table big enough for everyone.

 

It’s Candlenights Eve, several months after the Day of Story and Song. Lup has her body back and is dancing around him in the kitchen. It still makes his hands shake if he thinks too much about cooking, but it’s easier with her there. They have their aunt’s turkey recipe cooking in the oven and side dishes scattered across the stove and countertops—except for the breakfast bar which is covered in cookies and frosting and sprinkles. Angus and Mavis are there with Mookie, doing their best to keep the mess to a minimum, but the way Lup keeps glancing over at them with that soft smile and sparkling eyes lets Taako know she doesn’t care.

 

He can hear Merle and Davenport in the living room, teaching Avi and Killian some card game they might’ve made up or might’ve been from their home planet. Avi’s voice raises occasionally, expressing joy at a win or cursing at a bad hand as Merle’s laughter comes to join it.

 

He hasn’t seen Magnus or Carey in a while and is sure they’re sneaking around, doing something that some unfortunate person will find later. The dragonborn teaching him how to sneak was maybe the most unfortunate thing someone could teach Magnus for the rest of them.

 

There’s music floating through the house from a room down the hall where Taako knows Barry and Kravitz are sitting side-by-side on the piano bench. Maybe they’ll all get lucky and after dinner Lup will pick up her violin and Krav will grab something else and the house will be filled with their music.

 

A voice at his side saying, “Sir? Sir?” draws Taako from his thoughts and he looks down at Angus who has green frosting on his cheek and sprinkles sticking to the sweater he’s wearing.

 

“What’s up, Pumpkin?” he asks, glancing over at Mavis and Mookie when he hears the girl shriek. Mookie has his red-frosting-covered hands stretched out toward her, and Taako rolls his eyes, flicking his want in the kid’s direction and laughing at the disappointed look on his face when the frosting disappears.

 

“We’re out of cookies, sir,” Angus explains and Taako claps his hands together.

 

“Guess it’s time to set the table, then,” he says, waving away the mess on the countertop and the floor before moving the finished cookies onto a platter. At the sound of chores, Mookie slips off the stool he was sitting on and darts away, calling for his dad. Mavis and Angus are excited to help, and Taako lets Lup help them out while he checks on the turkey.

 

Twenty minutes later the food is out on the table and everyone is sitting down. Kravitz takes the seat to his right and Angus sits down at his left. The frosting has dried to the boy’s cheek at that point, and Taako rolls his eyes, brushing it away and mostly ignoring the bright smile Angus gives him in response. Lup claps her hands from her spot at the head of the table and everyone falls silent, looking to her expectantly. The smile on her face is blinding as she gives permission to start and then the room is filled with noise again.

 

To his right, Carey and Killian are telling Lup about their wedding plans while Barry and Kravitz talk to him and Avi about the stuff one of their latest bounties had been up to. Magnus is across from him, telling Mookie the story of when they fought that huge spider while Merle adds a few embellishments. Angus and Mavis are talking excitedly about Lucas’s school and all the classes Angus is planning on taking, all the things he’s been learning so far. It reminds him of the dinners they’d have on the Starblaster, all of them crammed into the tiny kitchen at the table and benches Magnus had made where he’d just sit back and let their voices mingle together around him.

 

* * *

 

After dinner, after everyone’s left or settled into a guest room, Taako and Lup are curled up together on the couch in the music room, listening to Kravitz show Barry a song he used to play when he was a kid. They’re tangled together in the best way possible, in the way that Taako doesn’t really know where his limbs end and Lup’s begin. His sister’s fingers are in his hair, braiding small sections and then undoing them. He closes his eyes for a while, feeling warm from the food in his belly and his sister pressed against him and his boyfriend’s humming resonating in his chest.

 

It had been a good day, a really good day, but something was slightly off the whole time. He ponders it for a while, going through the day mentally to try and figure it out. When it dawns on him, his eyes flash open and he cranes his neck backward to look at Lup. She raises her eyebrows but doesn’t let go of his hair, obviously waiting.

 

“Did you not invite Lucretia?” It makes his chest ache to say her name, the pot of rage and betrayal and disbelief in his stomach heating up to boiling when he thinks about her.

 

Lup knows that, and her eyebrows raise almost imperceptibly higher at the question. “I did,” she says, and it feels kind of like a knife to his back even if he was kind of expecting it. “She thought it’d be better for everyone if she just stayed at the Bureau.”

 

There’s something in her voice when she says it—maybe disappointment, but Taako can’t quite place it. She feels bad, probably. Thinking about their old crewmate alone in her office on Candlenights Eve—well, not alone. He overheard Magnus telling Lup about the dog he gave her a few weeks ago, how it would be good for her to have one she wasn’t alone so often. But mostly alone. Not a part of the family they’d built.

 

Except, that wasn’t really it, was it? Magnus brought her a puppy, he had seen Avi take a present from Lup and Barry back with him, probably for her. He’d gone shopping with Merle a few weeks ago and noticed him buying the stuff to make the tea she’d always liked back on the Starblaster. Hell, Avi, Carey, and Killian still worked for/with her. He knows he’s the problem, the one unwilling to mend the broken link between them. He knows. But he’s not willing to deal with that yet.

 

“It’s okay, Koko,” Lup says, tugging on his hair lightly as she pulls it into what long braid. “It was good. And it would’ve been hard to have her here for plenty of us.”

 

The hardest for him, though. He knows that. Knows Lup just doesn’t wanna say it. She’s disappointed Lucretia wasn’t there. It’s a weird situation.

 

“I can be civil,” he grumbles, and he can hear the smile in Lup’s soft huff. He could be, really. Even if seeing her would make his blood boil and his fingers twitch, the magic he’d forgotten was his tingling on his skin. He’s still furious, and he thinks it’s warranted, but he can play nice with her. For family functions. Probably.

 

Lup ties his braid back and presses a kiss to his cheek. “Next time, then,” she says, untangling herself from him and picking up her violin. Taako sighs a little, pressing into the soft squishiness of the couch and closing his eyes, letting his family’s music wash over him.

 

* * *

 

He finds himself on the moon a few weeks later—there with Magnus to help move Angus out of his dorm here and into his new dorm at Lucas’s school. Taako’s mostly letting Magnus do the work, occasionally flicking his wand to help with something. He’d provided a bag of holding that would be able to take on most of the stuff, so he doesn’t feel bad about not helping. He’s waiting outside the dome for the two of them, looking around at all the changes Lucretia made to the base.

 

There are so many people here now, walking around holding files and cups and coffee, stopping to say hi to each other. A few say hi to Taako as they walk by, more steal glances at him, obviously thinking he doesn’t notice. He’s about to go back inside and see what’s taking Magnus and Angus so long—they’re probably getting all emotional again—when a dog runs up to him, reaching its front paws up. Taako moves out of the way, not about to let some dog put runs into the tights he’s wearing under a striped skirt Kravitz bought for him. He frowns at the dog for a second, faint recognition dashing across his mind. It looks like a puppy Magnus had a while ago. He’s too busy trying to find the name of this dog with the golden fur and spots around its muzzle that he doesn’t notice its owner coming up until he speaks.

 

“Luna, heel.”

 

The dog—Luna—whines quietly but obediently leaves Taako and goes back to her owner, and Taako’s knows who it is, recognizes the voice and the dog and puts the pieces together, but there’s still a moment of his pulse roaring in his ears when he looks up to see Lucretia.

 

She has a slightly surprised expression on her face, like she wasn’t expected to see him, but she looks as put-together as ever in her soft blue robes and close-cut, greying hair.

 

“Ah, hi, Taako,” she says, and he feels bad at how nice it is to hear the note of uncertainty in her voice. Everyone else has way too much faith in him being a good person.

 

“Hey, Lucretia,” he answers, readjusting his hat and blouse and cardigan self-consciously. He doesn’t know why but talking to her these days always makes him feel like he’s under a microscope, reminds him of all the bad things he’s ever done even as he tells himself that he’s _mad_ at her still. She’s not forgiven by him, not yet. Maybe not ever.

 

“I was just coming to say goodbye to Angus,” she explains and Taako nods a little.

 

“He and Maggie are still in there,” he says, jerking his thumb in the direction of the dome behind him.

 

She nods, doesn’t speak again, and the silence between them grows cold and oppressive. But Taako is stubborn and refuses to be the one to break it—not that he’s not grateful when Magnus’s voice finally cuts through.

 

“Creesh! Hey!” he says, setting down the box he’s holding and saying hello to Luna, too, letting her lick all over his face for a moment.

 

Angus steps past him to give Lucretia a hug, saying something very Angus-like about how grateful he was for the opportunity to work with her and the nice place to stay. Taako ignores it mostly, looking away from them and starting to meander in the direction of the ball hangar. He looks back when he hears them saying goodbye and watches her wrap Angus in a hug, watches Magnus press a kiss to her cheek and does his best to tamp down the feeling of betrayal that rears its head along with the protective pull on his gut that’s telling him to get them away from her as quickly as possible.

 

 

 

When Kravitz gets home that night, the surfaces in their kitchen are covered—elder-flower macarons, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, mini red velvet cupcakes taking up all the available room.

 

“Darling?” he asks hesitantly, and Taako looks up, smacking his hand away when he reaches for a cookie without thinking. Taako groans when Kravitz immediately pulls his hand back, covering his face with his hands and mumbling,  
  
“You can have one. It’s fine.”

 

He feels arms come around him and almost hates the way he relaxes into them, burying his face in Kravitz’s chest instead and slipping his arms around him in turn. It’s quiet for a moment, and Taako knows Krav is giving him the time to say something but he doesn’t have anything to say. Words have always been hard for him, but they’re especially hard these days with his mixed-up memories and his jumbled emotions and the soft looks everyone gives him.

 

Luckily, Kravitz seems to know this and doesn’t let the silence drag on for too long. It makes Taako love him just that much more.

 

“Did you have any trouble moving Angus out?”  
  
Taako shakes his head a little, thinking about how Angus let the two of them take him to lunch after they made it back planetside, about the way his eyes lit up when Taako passed him a key to the little house he and Krav were renting for now with the little guest room they’d set up for anyone to stay in but with the unspoken intention that it was really for Angus, for whenever he had a break from school.

 

Kravitz doesn’t seem to mind his silence, humming quietly some familiar tune that Taako can’t place as Taako sorts through the strands of thought in his head. He’s not sure how much time passes, but eventually, he finds some words.

 

“Lucretia was there.”  
  
Kravitz pauses in his humming, but his hands continue to rub at the soft skin of Taako’s back. “Well, she does live there.” There’s no mocking in the statement, just a soft reminder of truth. Taako nods.

 

“Yeah,” he says, pausing for another second. “There’s a difference between knowing everyone is chill with her and seeing it.”

 

He feels Kravitz nods and tries to come up with something more to say, but that’s it, isn’t it? It’s a specific type of betrayal when your family shares their love—the same love they have for you—with someone you so deeply distrust.

 

“It must be hard,” Krav finally says, and Taako nods a little, tucking his face a little deeper into his neck. “But…I know it may not seem like it, love, but I think it will get easier.”

 

Taako’s knee-jerk reaction is to argue, to hold onto the naïve belief that the pain and anger he feels right now will always be there. And maybe he’s a little right, maybe it won’t ever go completely away, but maybe Krav is right too. He takes a deep breath through his nose and nods a little, pulling away.

 

“Maybe,” he concedes, turning back to the cupcakes he’d been frosting. “We’re taking these to Angus tomorrow. So he can make friends.” And that’s the end of it.

 

* * *

 

He doesn’t think about Lucretia much over the next few weeks, too busy working with Ren on finalizing details for his school so hopefully it could be up and running for the coming fall. He gets a call from Magnus toward the end of winter canceling their standing Tuesday lunch date because he’s caught something. He sounds so bad over the stone that Taako doesn’t hesitate to start making soup as soon as he’s hung up.

 

He shows up at Magnus’s house just after noon with a tupperware full of enough chicken and dumpling soup to feed Magnus for a few days. Letting himself in without a thought, he leaves his shoes by the door and calls out, “Mango! I brought soup!”

 

He wanders inside, leaving the tupperware in the kitchen and peeling away toward the bedrooms to find Magnus. Taako eventually finds him, predictably, outside with the dogs instead of inside and resting as he should be. After a few minutes of mostly passive/veiled threats, Taako gets him inside and settled at the small table he has tucked into the corner of his kitchen with a bowl of soup. Magnus only eats about half of it before declaring he’s full, so Taako orders him to bed, genuinely concerned about him now. Magnus without an appetite is just weird.

 

Taako tells himself he’ll just stay for a little bit, to make sure Magnus gets to sleep, but he finds himself still in Magnus’s kitchen an hour later, cleaning out his fridge and pantry, when he hears the door open. He’s on alert immediately, pulling his wand out of his pocket in the long skirt he’s wearing and sneaking toward the door.

 

It’s Lucretia, still standing in the doorway unwrapping a knit scarf from around her neck and hanging it up. She freezes when she sees Taako’s cloak hanging next to Magnus’s and looks around, gasping when she sees him standing there dumbly.

 

“Taako,” she says, a hand on her chest, and his grip on his wand tightens when his name falls from her lips. “I…didn’t know you’d be here.”

 

Taako’s quiet for a moment, forcing down the immediate rage and irritability that are simmering in his chest. “Right back atcha,” he finally answers, shoving his wand back into his pocket and spinning on his heel, going back to the kitchen. He hears her shuffle around for a minute, probably shedding her jacket and shoes, and then listens to her footsteps come into the kitchen where he’s still organizing, perfectly happy to ignore her. She’s quiet for a few minutes, but Taako can feel her eyes on him. He manages to hold his ground and he’s proud of himself when she’s the one to break the silence that’s adding to the tension between them.

 

“You brought him soup.”

 

Taako freezes for a second but then continues going through the spices in Magnus’s cabinet. “Yep.”

 

“Is it—”

 

“Chicken and dumpling,” he confirms.

 

“…his favorite,” she says, and her tone has this approving note to it that Taako hates. He doesn’t need her fucking approval. Of course, he knows what Magnus likes to eat when he’s sick, he’s known the guy for upwards of a century.

 

“Yep,” he says again through clenched teeth, and he hears her sigh. That breaks something in him and suddenly that familiar anger isn’t just simmering, it’s boiling over, and he’s spinning around to face her. “What?” he demands, his voice quiet so as to not disrupt Magnus but still carrying the rage he hopes to convey. “I don’t know what you expect from me, but I’m not just gonna be all happy-go-lucky around you because everyone else is.”

 

“Taako,” she says, and she sounds tired, just exhausted, and if Taako was a better person he might feel bad for her, might back down, but he’s not. And he doesn’t.

 

“Do you know how fucking long it took for me to believe I deserved a family?” he asks. “For me to believe I deserved a life? And happiness? And somewhere to stay? And then I get it and you fucking take it away!”

 

“None of you deserved having that taken away,” she says, her voice deathly serious. “But I _tried_ , Taako. It was supposed to be short term. And I know it didn’t turn out like that, but. I gave you a show! I tried to do right by you! You deserved to be seen.”

 

Taako’s so consumed by rage now that he doesn’t notice the footsteps coming from the hallway, can barely even sort through all the things he’s angry about, so he just grabs onto the most painful point.

 

“I deserved what I got, huh? So I deserved Glamour Springs?”

 

There’s a quiet gasp to his side that he barely registers before silence envelops the room. He looks across at Lucretia, at the devastation in her eyes and the guilt etched into her face, and instead of feeling better, his chest aches even more, and he feels a lump start to form in his throat.

 

He tries to ignore it and huffs, turning to leave the room. Magnus is standing in the entrance to the hallway, a broken and surprised look on his face that Taako forces himself to ignore, shoves his way past the man.

 

“Taako—” he hears Lucretia say, but he ignores it, pulling on his shoes angrily and wrapping his cloak around himself.

 

“Soup’s in the fridge, Maggie,” he says as he grabs his hat before stepping out the door, slamming it behind him.

 

* * *

 

He winds up at Lup and Barry’s house, curled up in their bed with his boots and hat and cloak in a pile in their entryway. He doesn’t really remember how he got there, or what made him decide to go there instead of his own house, but he does come out of his head to his name being called and finds himself surrounded by the smells of his favorite people, so that’s nice. He must have been thinking.

 

He doesn’t answer, just bundles himself up a little more, his tights rubbing against their sheets smoothly. That’s how Barry finds him a few minutes later, and Taako hears him sigh a little in relief, call out to Lup where they are. It’s not an extremely unusual thing, for Taako to be in their bed. It became a habit on the Starblaster, mostly because Taako would fall into Lup’s bed without a second thought, and when Lup and Barry got together they bounced between rooms, and Taako wasn’t about to stop going to his sister’s bed when he was upset. Besides, after his sister, he was probably closest to Barry, the only competition now being Magnus. When Lup first got her body back, Taako didn’t leave her side for over a week, and that included for sleep.

 

“Taako?” Barry asks, sitting down on the bed with him as Taako hums in response. “What happened?”

 

Taako sighs a little, pushing himself into a sitting position and leaning against the headboard with him. “I, uh, saw Lucretia earlier,” he says by way of explanation, and Barry makes a noise of acknowledgment, nodding.

 

“Where?”

 

“At Magnus’s.”

 

Barry nods again. “And you two…talked?”

 

Taako barks out a harsh laugh just as Lup comes into the room. “Sorta.”

 

Barry’s quiet for a minute, and so is Taako as he watches Lup climb up on the other side of him, sandwiching him between the two. He pulls his knees to his chest and puts his face down into them before speaking again.

 

“I’m just… _so angry_. But when I get angry it doesn’t even do anything! It just makes me feel like shit! I dunno what’s supposed to make me feel better.”

 

There’s a hand on the back of his neck too big to be his sister’s, rubbing at his hairline lightly, and that helps a little. Lup’s hands take one of his and that helps too.

 

“You’re right, Taako,” Barry says after a second of quiet. “Being angry doesn’t help. It’d be way easier if it did. I get that. I mean, if it helps, I’m angry too.”

 

Taako lifts his head up briefly, turns it to look back at him and raise his eyebrows a little, asking for more.

 

Barry catches his eye and smiles a little, and it still surprises Taako how that makes the weight in his chest that much lighter, makes it so much easier to breathe. He obviously doesn’t love him in the same way, but in moments like this he thinks maybe he loves Barry Bluejeans just as much as Lup does.

 

“I am. She made everyone who knew about the relics think we were bad guys. She asked you to hate me. She took _so much_ away from us,” he says. “And I get why she did it, I get that she couldn’t know if I was all there—I mean, I _should_ have been consumed by my magic but—that’s not the point. I’m angry. But Taako…I still love her.

 

“I know that doesn’t just make everything okay, but. When I look at her, I still see that kid writing with both hands as a bar fight happens around her. And I still see the woman haunted by a year on the run from the Judges.” He pauses, sighing a little. “Maybe it’s easier for me because I watched the Bureau happen. I watched her go into Wonderland and come out twenty years older. But I also watched you guys.

 

“I watched Merle hold his kids for the first time, and Magnus get married, and you in Neverwinter with the biggest crowd any show had ever gotten around you.

 

“I also watched Merle leave his wife, and Magnus find Raven’s Roost in shambles, and…I saw what happened in Glamour Springs, Taako. And I’m so, _so_ angry for what happened to me and what happened to each of you. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive her.

 

“But when I look at her, and see my _sister_ , Taako. I can look past the anger.”

 

It’s silent in the room for a long moment, so quiet that Taako doesn’t even dare to breathe.

 

“Even with a century together, Taako, life’s too short to let anger run it. Especially for humans.”

 

* * *

 

Merle shows up at his house that Friday morning, unannounced, and somehow gets his way inside. He makes tea and manages to get Taako sat at the table with him, a chessboard between them. Taako’s still in the shorts and long t-shirt he slept in, hair a mess, and he really doesn’t know how Merle convinced his way in, but he’s always been good at that, somehow. Convincing people to do things.

 

He doesn’t even know why Merle’s there until halfway through their game—which isn’t exactly chess, but actually a variation they made up around cycle 18—when Merle says,

 

“So, I heard about…The Encounter.”

 

Taako can hear the capitals in his tone, and he takes a second to wonder where he heard about it. But it was from Magnus, obviously. Magnus is too good to let something like that slide without telling everyone they care about. “So that’s what you’re here about.”

 

“I was also bored,” Merle says easily, not thrown, as usual. “But mostly because of that.”

 

Taako sighs, pushing a piece into place. “Fine. You wanna talk about it? Talk about it.”

 

Merle makes his move and leans back in his seat. “You really got to her, kid. She’s been upset all week.”

 

That makes Taako’s stomach turn, and he swallows, staring at the board. That had been his goal, but, it still makes him feel like shit, makes him feel like he felt on Tuesday when he watched her face fall.

 

“Why would I care about that?”

 

Merle raises his eyebrows and gives him one of those looks that sort of makes Taako feel like he’s being scolded by a parent, even if he doesn’t remember ever being scolded by an actual parent, and he’s seen Merle do far too many things a parent should never do. “Because you care about it.”

 

Taako rolls his eyes. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you, old man. I don’t need her to be happy.”

 

“Look,” Merle says, sighing a little. “You’re mad. But you don’t hate her. And you probably feel bad about the stuff you said, and you don’t know why because you were angry, and it made you feel better for a second.”

 

Taako pushes a piece into place a little over-aggressively, scowling at the board and staying silent. He’s not about to give Merle the satisfaction of being right. Of course, Merle still smiles as he moves his next piece and nods as if he sees everything that’s going on—whether in the game or in actual life, Taako doesn’t know.

 

They’re quiet for the next few minutes, Taako upset and distracted which leads to Merle winning their game. Taako gets up with an annoyed grumble to put their mugs in the sink and make some food, still annoyed at the knowledge that Merle’s here to talk about Lucretia—but also strangely comforted? He’s not gonna delve into that right now.

 

“I’m not gonna tell you you have to forgive her.”

 

Taako laughs a little, cracking some eggs into a bowl. “That’s good because it wouldn’t happen.”

 

Merle laughs a little, too, and the noise is familiar, wrapping around Taako like a blanket. “I know. And I’m not gonna tell you to not be mad because that wouldn’t work either. I’m just gonna remind ya that there’s no cycles anymore, Taako. There’s no making up for something when the next cycle comes around. We’re here to stay. And there’s probably gonna be a day that you regret letting that anger rule your life.”

 

Taako doesn’t answer, just keeps cooking, but his ears twitch a little to show he’s listening.

 

“Besides. She’s not gonna _not_ be at family functions forever. So I’m not saying you need to forgive her or stop being angry or anything like that. I’m just saying that you gotta find a way to be okay with her. ‘Cause Magnus is definitely gonna get sick again. And you’re both definitely gonna wanna take care of him.”

 

Taako pours the eggs into the pan he’s got some vegetables cooking in and sighs, shoving the mixture around with a spatula. “If I find a way to be okay with her and promise not to ruin any family functions or whatever, will all of you quit talking to me about her?”

 

Merle laughs again and the blanket it creates settles warmer around him. “I’ll try and make that happen.”

 

* * *

 

He does take Merle’s words to hear—after getting over being upset that he’s sure everyone must have made Merle come talk to him, he’s such a dad, it’s annoying—and tells himself that he’s going to find a way to be around her. He just got his family back, he’s not gonna risk losing it just because he can’t get along with someone. The perfect opportunity to test his preparation comes as Carey and Killian’s wedding—they’re both there, after all.

 

The ceremony goes smoothly enough, not much socializing to do when people are getting married, but the drinks afterward and the reception after that offer plenty of social time. He doesn’t find himself anywhere near Lucretia until they sit down to eat, and, obviously, all seven of the birds (plus Krav) are at the same table. Everyone strategically sits down to make sure Taako and Lucretia are sitting as far away from each other as possible. Of course, at a circular table that means they’re sitting across from each other, causing a fair amount of awkward accidental eye contact to ensue.

 

It’s not until much later in the night that they actually get close enough to each other to talk. She looks younger all dressed up, her dress is a deeper blue than the robes she usually wears, and it glimmers in the soft light of the magic lanterns floating around the tent the reception is being held in. Her features are softened, dark skin shimmering with some sort of highlighter that Taako makes a note to find for himself. She doesn’t quite remind him of the young girl she was the day they stepped onto the Starblaster, but she almost looks like the woman she could have been if she hadn’t lost those years in Wonderland.

 

She’s standing at the bar when Taako walks up to her, getting a refill for his drink, and he watches her notice him and then not engage, obviously giving him the opportunity to just pretend they weren’t seeing each other at all. He’s about to take her up on that silent offer when he hears Barry’s and Merle’s voices in his head, telling him it’s not worth it to let anger dictate his relationship with her anymore, and he suppresses a grown, clears his throat instead and says,

 

“I like your dress.”

 

His tone is maybe a bit flat, he’s maybe a bit too distracted trying to ignore the anger in the back of his mind threatening to burst forth and tell him to just get away from her as quickly as possible, but at least he’s said something.

 

She’s surprised when she looks to him, but she smiles gently. “Thank you. I like yours, too.”

 

“Thanks,” he says, glancing down at the simple but beautiful black gown he’s wearing.

 

It’s quiet between them once more, the sounds of the party around them seeming muted, as if they’re standing in a bubble, separate from the rest of the world. He looks down at his drink for a long moment, swirling the liquid around in his glass before speaking again.

 

“Hey, uh. I’m sorry…for what I said before.”

 

She shakes her head quickly, saying, “Taako—“

 

“No, seriously,” he cuts her off because he’s apologizing, and that’s not something that’s gonna happen too often, so he’s not about to let it get steamrolled by her feeling guilty or whatever. “It’s not like you knew I was gonna be such an ass that Sazed would try to kill me. So. Sorry making you feel bad about that or whatever.”

 

It’s quiet for another moment before Taako looks up from his drink to her and finds her looking at him with a soft, hopeful, disgustingly fond smile on her face.

 

It’s lucky that Kravitz finds them a few seconds later because Taako doesn't really have anything else to say, too busy sorting through the conflicting emotions of anger and affection for the woman.

 

Krav leads him out to dance as a slower song starts, and they sway quietly for a minute before he asks,

 

“Are you two gonna be okay?”

 

Taako thinks for a moment, glancing back to where she’s still standing, though now Angus is there too, talking to her about something, eyes bright behind his glasses.

 

“Yeah, I think so.”

 

* * *

 

They’re at Lup and Barry’s house for Candlenights again, and it feels familiar, similar to last year. Merle and Davenport are playing some game with Avi and Killian, Magnus and Carey are off somewhere causing trouble, he and Lup are in the kitchen cooking, Barry and Kravitz are messing around on the piano in the other room.

 

What’s different this time is that instead of decorating cookies, the kids are sitting in the living room, listening to Lucretia tell them stories about their hundred-year journey, and their home plane, and cool things she’s learned about this world.

 

Taako’s still angry a lot of the time, reminded of it especially when he’s around Lucretia, but being around everyone else helps. Seeing his family be kind to her doesn’t hurt in the way it did before, but it still tugs at a little feeling of betrayal. That may never go away, but he thinks it’ll keep getting easier, if he reminds himself of who she was, reminds himself that she’s not that person anymore, but that she can still be someone in his life, in his family, even if he won’t ever be able to trust her completely.

 

Merle was right, he can’t let anger make all his decisions for him.

 

It’s not perfect, and they’ll probably never make it back to how they were before everything happened, but when she catches his eye from the other end of the table and smiles, it doesn’t even hurt to smile back.


End file.
